Chapter 11
Carolyn (May 1957)
...
"You missed class again," Carolyn said as she entered her room and found Holly sitting in her bed. She wasn't dressed even though it was later in the afternoon and the mistress was unhappy with Holly's lack of participation.
"I don't care," Holly sighed. "I never wanted to come here in the first place."
Carolyn set her stack of textbooks down on the nightstand next to her bed.
"Mistress Laurier is not happy."
Holly shot a glare at Carolyn. "I don't care."
"Well, you could at least attend class. It's really not that bad. The schedule rotates so every day it's a little bit different."
Holly scoffed and got out of her bed. She walked over to the window and slid it open. She uncovered a pack of cigarettes and lit one as she went out on the fire escape to enjoy a moment.
"Holly, you can't smoke," Carolyn sighed. She joined Holly at the window.
"Hey, I'm not actually in the room. I'm just outside of it and I'm doing what I want out here. Not breaking any rules." She inhaled the smoke and exhaled with satisfaction.
"It's been a couple of days," Carolyn said, "and you haven't gone to one class. They're going to kick you out of school."
"I'm counting on it." Holly flicked the cigarette butt over the side of the fire escape and watched it fall. "I know my father will try to keep me here for as long as possible. He has the money, the damn fool. But if I refuse to go to class, no amount of money will keep me here! I want out."
"What will happen if you get kicked out?"
"Honestly, probably nothing." Holly laughed.
"Your father wouldn't be upset?"
"Oh, he'd be upset. He'd be furious. But I don't think he'll do much of anything besides yell. I'm not afraid of the yelling. I'm used to it."
"Please just come to one class," Carolyn urged. "It's really not that terrible. You might change your mind."
Holly shook her head. "Nope. I won't. I'm not a proper young lady. And if I had anywhere else to go I'd hop off this fire escape right now and never look back. Sadly, I don't have the luxury of having anyone else but my father."
"I'm sorry you feel that way."
"Me too."
Holly sighed and climbed back into the room through the window. She shut it closed and the birdsong from outside disappeared from the room, leaving them in awkward silence. "Can I ask you something?" Holly asked as she threw herself back down on her bed.
"Sure," Carolyn replied. She pulled the chair from her desk and brought it over to sit next to Holly.
"Do you want to be here? Really?" Holly looked Carolyn in the eye; this made her blink and look away for a moment.
"The truth?"
Holly nodded.
"Not in the slightest," Carolyn answered truthfully. Something she couldn't express to her parents who worked so hard to be able to afford this opportunity for her.
"Then why put up with it?" Holly shrugged.
"My parents don't have a lot of money," Carolyn said, "but they saved up to send me here. They want a future for me and they believe this is the best avenue."
"But you're not happy."
Carolyn shook her head.
Holly laughed. "I don't understand why you would just put up with it then. It's your life. You could be doing anything else."
"I suppose."
"What would you want to do if you weren't stuck here?"
Carolyn thought for a moment. "I guess I would want to attend college. A real college and work my way through school to become a librarian."
"See!" Holly exclaimed. "Goals! Ones that you can accomplish without this place."
"Well, the goal is still attainable. We do still have academics to work with. This all can go towards that."
"But don't you see this is a waste? This place is to make you up proper for a husband. A man. And what if he refuses to let you become what you want to be? Places like this aren't good for girls with aspirations of their own. They lock women down into wifedom and motherhood."
Carolyn thought for a moment. "I never gave it much thought. Becoming a mother."
"Neither have I."
Carolyn sighed, "Well, I can't leave. It would devastate my family." She got up from the chair, picked it up from the floor, and brought it back to its place at the desk in the corner. "The next class begins soon. You can still join me if you would like."
Holly shook her head and Carolyn left room C7 to attend sewing class. Then afterward, she would grow bored with an arithmetic lesson.
A couple more days had passed and Holly still refused to come to class. She stayed in the room and only left to sneak food back in from meal times. She refused to eat with the other women and grew distant from Carolyn after their talk from a few days before. Carolyn felt bad for her. She would come into the room and find Holly lying in her bed, or on the floor, or smoking out on the fire escape. Holly barely smiled and had a numbness surrounding her. Carolyn tried and tried over and over again to persuade Holly to come to classes. Holly continued to refuse and remained in the room. Although Carolyn did feel bad for her, she admired her determination. She couldn't imagine disobeying her parents' wishes but Holly's rebellion sparked interest in Carolyn. And then finally, a week and a half after their arrival, Carolyn returned to the room after etiquette class to find Holly and her belongings gone. She had been removed from the hotel and sent back to her father. Carolyn imagined the fight they were to have. She imagined Holly, unafraid, as her father lectured and screamed. Holly would of course scream back. Carolyn shuddered at the thought. She could never.