Chapter 32
Carolyn (1949)
...
At ten years old, she knew her family didn't have a lot of money. Carolyn's parents acted as if they were well off, even though there were times where they couldn't feed their daughter. Before twins Judith and Shirley were born, Carolyn was by herself and felt even more alone after Douglas had died. Her parents never took the time to comfort her, they barely cared for the friendship between their daughter and the neighbor boy that left the world too young and too early. They were always too busy working and once Carolyn was old enough, she would stay home alone and take care of the house while her mother and father went off to make their appearances at the houses of wealthy friends and acquaintances. Carolyn would rarely see her mother and father in the morning; her mother would leave for the school before Carolyn would wake up and her father would leave for the factory as Carolyn would be leaving for school. Then, Carolyn would walk herself to class. When she would get home, she would often catch her parents running out the front door together dressed as nicely as they could. They never wanted to be late to their parties. Her mother often left a hastily cooked meal for Carolyn. Often boiled plain carrots, sometimes with a hard boiled egg; other times it would just be slices of bread with baked beans. They only bought, cooked, and served the tastiest food when they would host their own fancy parties in their home. Carolyn would enjoy those meals knowing that food was a second thought and she would often go to bed hungry. Her parents owed debt that weighed their family down but somehow they still managed to afford the nicest clothes and other fancy things. Even at ten years old, Carolyn suspected more debt. Her parents were digging a bottomless hole while simultaneously falling in without care.
They often fought as well. There were nights where young Carolyn would be crying in the corner of the living room as her mother and father screamed and threw things at each other. She preferred when they acted like loving parents.
"What do you mean we can't afford a roast pig?" her mother yelled. "We promised the Richardson's a roast pig! Carolyn, go to your room!" She kicked off her heels and tossed them across the room, they clattered against the poker of the fireplace. Carolyn didn't budge from the corner.
"Well then the damn Richardson's can bring one of their own!" her father replied while loosening his tie. "They have the money!"
"They are going to laugh at us if we do not deliver," her mother shook her head back and forth with rage. "This is not some common potluck!"
"What is wrong with guests bringing food once in a while?"
Her mother laughed. "It'll make us look like terrible hosts! We'll seem like we can't afford to take care of our guests. This dinner needs to go swimmingly. The Richardson's are our way in!" She sat down on the couch and reached for the glass bourbon bottle on the coffee table. She didn't wait to be handed a glass and drank the whiskey straight.
"What about your daughter?" her father replied. "She needs to eat too. We have a budget."
"She's your daughter too and she gets plenty of food. She eats at school as well. My goodness, do you want to feed her until she becomes heavy set? She's fine!"
"Then you're okay with only feeding her bread and boiled vegetables?" Her father lit a cigar, puffed on it, and blew smoke out of his nostrils.
"If that is what is needed to be done, then yes, we will do that. That is plenty," her mother said. "Once we are in with this crowd it will become easier to be rid of our debts."
"It is such a last minute detail," her father said with a sigh while pinching the bridge of his nose. "We still can't afford the damn pig."
"You will work late at the factory," her mother said as she pulled a cigarette from her pocket. She lit it with a matchstick.
He laughed. "Well if I need to do that you better pick up more students for tutoring."
"Fine!"
Her parents were perpetually tired and never seemed to have any energy when they did stay home after work instead of going out. They made no time to play with their daughter and Carolyn knew it was because they were saving up their energy for their social events. There was a brief point in time where Carolyn believed what her mother believed; that by being with rich people, it will make them rich as well. And while her mother continued to believe this odd philosophy, Carolyn gave up on the thought after continuously witnessing her parents suffer financially. Carolyn hated the idea of the parties. She hated the thought of people gathering and being loud and crazy. She didn't like it when her parents would go out but she especially disliked when they would bring the parties into their home. The people and music would disrupt the peace and quiet. She only wanted to stay in her room and read her books but Carolyn would be forced to dress nicely and sit in the living room with the kids from legitimately rich parents. To Carolyn, these children seemed to know that she didn't come from money. They acted as if she was different. What kind of girl would waste her time outside catching bugs? The other children thought it to be very strange and Carolyn couldn't help but think that they knew the truth. She wondered if the rich adults knew that her parents were lying. She never brought it up, kept quiet instead, and played her part well. After the parties, Carolyn would be rewarded with a piece of chocolate; a gift from her mother that she was excited to see each time. It signaled that the party was over and people would begin leaving. Carolyn would pop the chocolate in her mouth and even though she was never fond of the taste of chocolate, it gave her great joy.