Chapter 33
Nancy (January 1958)
...
In one of their morning classes, Nancy was incredibly bored. The mistress was giving a lecture, something about childbirth, and Nancy was far from the discussion in her mind. The voice of the mistress barely reached Nancy's ears as she scribbled in her notebook. She wasn't listening as intently as her classmates and she wondered if Carolyn was listening to Mistress Laurier's fascinating lecture. Nancy was tired of hearing her voice every single day. There was no escape from the mistress and Nancy kept telling herself that she only had a few more months left. Then school would finally be over and she could say goodbye to Bradley Diamond's and the damn Sequoia Bay Hotel. Unfortunately, Nancy also realized this would mean saying goodbye to Roger, someone she now considered her best friend, and Carolyn, someone she discovered to be the love of her life. The thought sank her heart. She continued to scribble in her notebook and attentively watched the ink exit the ballpoint and stain the paper. She stared at the scribbled page for a moment and then turned it, revealing a fresh and clean page underneath. She began to write. She started jotting down her thoughts on the current class and the lecture; she knew that if the mistress were to read the page, she wouldn't be happy about it, but on the other hand, Carolyn would find it hysterical. So Nancy began to write her thoughts to Carolyn, as if she was writing a letter to her. Nancy's penmanship had improved greatly since her arrival almost a year prior. She thought that her brother would be proud of her. She knew that he was and she did receive letters from him almost weekly. Nancy would write back of course but she kept certain things out of her letters to her brother. She wanted to tell him the truth about Carolyn but she was worried that he would reject the idea and report her to Father. She knew that Tommy would never but there was still a part of her that worried. Maybe she could tell him one day but it wouldn't be through a letter. She wanted to tell him face-to-face.
Nancy continued to write her letter to Carolyn, writing out her feelings and spelling out her fears of leaving Roger and her behind. She didn't want it to end. She only wished their circumstances were better and wanted to be rid of the school and the hotel. Nancy wanted so desperately to keep the two people that made her year at Bradley Diamond's bearable. She didn't want to return home for her debutante ball and meet a man that her parents had picked out for her. Nancy didn't want to mother children she had no intention of having and she didn't want to be a confined wife like her own mother; never leaving the house. Nancy recalled that her mother typically stayed at home unless she needed to make a public appearance. The servants did everything for her and she really only needed to look presentable for Nancy and Tommy's father. Nancy knew that her parents did love each other dearly but she could tell that their love had faded over the years and wondered if her mother had any regrets. This was something that was unspoken but at the same time, it was the loudest thing in their home.
After class had ended, the mistress left the classroom and Nancy ripped the page from her notebook and presented the letter to Carolyn.
"I thought I would write you a letter," Nancy said.
"A letter?" Carolyn giggled.
"That class was dreadful," Nancy laughed, "so my mind wandered."
"So you wrote me a letter?"
"Yes, my dear. With my best penmanship!"
Nancy watched Carolyn take the letter from her hands and unfold the page. Carolyn was quiet when she read the letter and Nancy watched her eyes follow and trail down each line until she reached the end.
"Aw, Nan," Carolyn said as she looked up at her. "I don't want to leave you or Roger either." Carolyn began to shed tears.
"You and Roger are super important to me," Nancy said quietly. "Mostly you." She laughed.
Carolyn laughed with her. "I won't tell Roger."
"Will you write me back?"
"You want me to write you a letter?" Carolyn smiled as she wiped her tears.
Nancy nodded. "You never write home. Maybe only a few times. You can write to me. And I'm tired of only writing to Tommy."
"I think that would be fun."
"I'll make more fun of these horrid classes," Nancy replied.
"I would like that very much."
Later that day, Nancy received a letter back from Carolyn. It was in a soft cream envelope and was sealed shut. Nancy thought it to be quite proper. She loved the thought put into it and appreciated seeing her name written on the back of the envelope in Carolyn's beautiful handwriting. After she had read the letter, she immediately began to write back. She pulled the fine stationery from her desk and used her best pen. The letter writing became a daily occurrence and the two young women would laugh over the shared secrets they would write on the pages. They wrote to each other about the classes of the day, sometimes they wrote about the other girls that weren't very nice, they wrote about their families, their friends from back home, their hopes, their dreams, and their fears. Nancy noticed that it was easier to share certain things with Carolyn through the letter writing and Carolyn expressed the same. It wasn't that they couldn't talk with each other face-to-face. The letter writing gave each of them a chance to delve deep into their thoughts, possibly discovering things about themselves that they didn't know before. They wrote about things they had never once previously told another soul. Nancy was scared to write about some of these things but she trusted Carolyn and felt safe sharing them with her. Carolyn never once judged Nancy. Not once. The letters were Nancy and Carolyn's own world. No one else was allowed and they loved being in that world together.