Chapter 35
Carolyn (March 1958)
...
Carolyn fumbled through her papers and books from class, looking for something she had misplaced. She could feel her face turning hot and sweat began to bead along her forehead. She quickly turned the pages of her notebooks and textbooks, hoping to find the missing letter acting as a bookmark. She did not find it within those pages and she did not find it hiding among the other belongings that she carried with her in class. She looked around her desk and quickly scanned the rest of the classroom before leaving behind everyone else. The missing letter was nowhere in sight; not on the classroom floor, not on her desk, not with her belongings, and definitely not with Nancy since Nancy wrote the letter and handed it to Carolyn that morning. Carolyn felt her heart beating faster as she tried her best not to panic.
"Where the hell is that letter?" she whispered to herself as she retraced her steps in her head. Nancy had given her the letter in the hallway after their first class of the day, then Carolyn went into the day room to study, after, she checked out a book from the library, then she finally noticed the letter was missing during her second class of the day.
Carolyn quietly entered the day room to check if the letter was there. she did not find the letter. On the way to the library, Carolyn carefully looked at the hallway floor and saw nothing resembling her missing letter. She checked in the library and found nothing in there as well. Then she went back into the classroom where her last class took place, just to be sure she hadn't dropped the letter in there. Nothing of hers was left behind. Carolyn felt her blood run cold as she went on to her next class of the day. Her head was spinning and she kept trying to think if it was possible she had put the letter somewhere and had forgotten about it. She couldn't focus on the rest of her classes that day. She had a chance in the hallway to let Nancy know she had lost the letter. When Nancy saw her, she must've known something was wrong because Carolyn looked pale.
"Are you okay?" Nancy asked.
"I can't find the letter you gave me this morning."
"What?!" Nancy loudly whispered. "It's gone?"
Carolyn nodded. "I can't find it anywhere."
Nancy scoffed. "If someone finds that letter, we are done for!" She ran her fingers through her hair and slapped her palm on her forehead. "Oh my goodness, we are done for."
"I can't believe I lost it," Carolyn sighed. "I'm so sorry."
Then, the girls heard the stairwell door behind them open. When Carolyn turned around she saw Roger waving at the two of them. He was carrying a bag with him.
"Roger," Nancy said, "what are you doing up here?"
Roger chuckled. "Well, I came up here earlier because I wanted to give you ladies a present during your free period. I couldn't find either one of you so I figured you both must've been out of your room and in a class, or in the day room or library or some other room I'm prohibited from entering. Anyway, I found something on the floor that belongs to you, Carolyn."
Roger retrieved the missing letter from his uniform pocket and held it out for Carolyn to take. She sighed in relief and took the letter from Roger.
"Oh my goodness, you found this on the floor?" Carolyn asked.
Roger nodded. "Yes, in the hallway. I apologize, but it was out of its envelope and I did end up reading some of it. I didn't notice Carolyn's name on the envelope until after."
"You read some of it?" Nancy nervously asked.
Roger scratched his head. "Yes, again, I'm very sorry. I didn't realize it was a private letter."
"Are you going to tell the mistress?" Carolyn asked quietly.
"What?" Roger laughed. "Of course not! just be careful not to lose any more secret letters."
"Really? Nancy smiled. "You won't tell?"
Roger shook his head. "You are both my friends. I wouldn't dream of revealing you two to the mistress. Your secret is safe with me."
Nancy laughed. "Why wouldn't you tell? I mean, you don't find it odd?"
Roger chuckled. "I'm sure my boyfriend wouldn't be very fond of me telling on two of our own."
Carolyn smiled upon this revelation. "You're the best, Roger. Thank you."
Roger reached for the brown bag that he carried on his shoulder. "Now, I did mention a present." He opened the bag and showed the girls a camera.
"A camera?" Nancy asked excitedly.
"A Polaroid! With film." Roger said. "Someone left it behind and I decided to take it. I thought you both would like it."
"That's very sweet of you, Roger," Carolyn said.
"There's also an album in the case to keep the photos," Roger replied.
"This is an amazing gift," Nancy added. "Thank you so much."
Roger smiled but with a heaviness in his eyes. "You're both going to be leaving in a couple of months. So I thought that this camera would be a good way for us to capture some memories before you both return home."
Carolyn felt her heart sink. She didn't want to return home and leave behind Nancy and Roger. She didn't want the life her parents had put in place for her. The thought of never seeing Nancy again made her heart ache but Carolyn felt powerless to change anything. She never spoke out against her parents and she knew that if she did tell her mother and father about Nancy, they would have her committed faster than they had sent her to Bradley Diamond's. Carolyn realized at that moment that she saw no way for her and Nancy's relationship to work and that made her hate herself.
"That would be a wonderful thing to do, Roger," Carolyn said while holding back tears.
"I am truly going to miss you both," Roger said.
Nancy burst into tears. "I hate this," she said and then chuckled at herself for crying. "I can't go home and end up like my mother. I just can't."
Carolyn pulled Nancy into a hug as she continued to cry. She rubbed her back to calm her down. Carolyn sighed and kissed her girlfriend on the top of her head. "We still have some time, Nan."