Chapter 36
Nancy (March 1958)
...
The sound of her girlfriend breathing was the only faint sound in the room as Nancy lay awake in her bed. Carolyn was fast asleep but Nancy was unable to get comfortable. Her eyes felt heavy but her racing mind betrayed her exhaustion. The day felt like a typical day; starting with boring old classes, meeting Roger in the lobby and making up funny stories about the hotel patrons as they walked by, reading a new book with Carolyn, finishing homework, relaxing with some of the other girls in the day room, and then finally returning to room C7 to go to sleep for the night. When Nancy got back to the room, Carolyn was still awake at that point.
"How are the girls?" Carolyn asked from her desk as Nancy walked through the door.
"They're all fine," Nancy replied. They were discussing movies and music they liked."
"Oh, that sounds fun." Carolyn was half-focused on the textbook she had on the desk in front of her. She yawned and closed it shut, pushing it away before stretching her arms over her head.
"It was," Nancy said while she kicked off her shoes and changed into her nightgown. "Do you have a favorite movie?"
Carolyn thought for a moment. "I remember seeing Peter Pan with my parents at the movie theater. I remember enjoying it."
Nancy laughed. "I bet when you saw it you wished you were Wendy. Getting swept up and flying away from your normal life."
"And what about you, hm?" Carolyn chuckled.
"What do you mean?"
"Alice in Wonderland."
"That's not my favorite movie," Nancy said while crossing her arms smugly.
"Is too!" Carolyn said while standing up from her desk and moving to her bed. She pulled the blanket up and slid under them to escape the cold in the room. "You told me that that was your favorite movie and that you always wished you were able to follow a white rabbit and disappear."
Nancy laughed. "You're right. I love Alice and the White Rabbit and the Cheshire Cat. It was my favorite book as a kid too." She walked over to Carolyn and stood over her for a moment.
Carolyn laughed nervously. "What are you staring at me for?"
"I just think you're beautiful."
"You're beautiful."
Nancy leaned down and kissed Carolyn softly. Then, she returned to her own bed. "Goodnight," Nancy said while turning off her bedside lamp. "I love you."
"I love you too, Nan."
Now Nancy was unable to fall asleep and she couldn't believe how fast Carolyn had drifted into her slumber. She wanted so badly to sleep the night away, but she had something else already planned. Though she wanted to get a few hours of rest, her nervous thoughts and jumping heart didn't want that for her.
"Tonight's the night," Nancy whispered to herself while nervously tapping her fingers against the blanket. "Tonight's the night. Tonight's the night."
Nancy stared at the ticking clock on the wall. It was almost 11 p.m. "He'll be here soon."
After a few more minutes had passed, there was a quiet knock on the door. Nancy flung the covers off of her and tip-toed to answer the door. Roger stood in the hallway and had neatly folded clothing, a pair of leather shoes, and a newsboy cap in his arms. Nancy motioned for him to quietly enter C7. She closed the door carefully, blocking out the light from the hallway.
"I got what you asked for," Roger whispered and handed the clothes to Nancy.
"Thank you so much, Roger," Nancy whispered. "You need to go now. I don't want Carolyn to wake up."
"Are you sure you want to do this?"
"Yes, I am sure. Please don't tell Carolyn, okay? I do have a plan and I don't want her to worry too much."
"She's going to be so upset."
"I know but it's only temporary. I swear."
"I hope you know what you're doing, Nan. I hope you'll be safe."
"I will be. Thank you again, Roger. I will see you soon, okay?"
Roger nodded, gave Nancy a hug and a kiss on the cheek, and then left room C7.
While being careful not to wake Carolyn, Nancy changed into the men's clothing that Roger had given her. She pinned her hair and tucked it away under her cap and was surprised that the shoes he had brought for her fit perfectly. Nancy looked at herself in the mirror and quietly chuckled at her new look. "I look like a dashing young man," she whispered to herself and twirled. She looked around the room for things she could bring with her but there weren't many useful items she could take with her on her journey. She had a bit of money that she took from her desk and shoved the change into her pants pocket. Nancy didn't know what she would need a pen for, but she took the pen from her desk and slid it into her pocket as well. Nancy took a deep breath and realized she was ready. She looked over to Carolyn who was still fast asleep and carefully made her way over to her bed. Nancy knelt on the floor next to her girlfriend's bed as she watched Carolyn breathe in and breathe out, her chest rose and sank with every breath, and Nancy briefly had second thoughts about her plan. She thought about the pain she would cause Carolyn but she also knew that it was pain that wouldn't last forever. Nancy thought it needed to be this way in order to cause the least amount of pain and worry.
"I will come back, Carolyn," Nancy whispered.
She stood up from the floor and leaned over to kiss Carolyn on the forehead. Her skin was soft and Nancy wanted to do nothing but cry. Though she knew that it would be of no use and instead she held her tears back, knowing that she needed to be strong. "I will come back," Nancy whispered once more, "and I will take you away from this place. We'll be able to be together."
Nancy stepped away from Carolyn and went over to the window, slowly sliding it open before stepping out onto the fire escape. The night air was freezing and she felt the chill on her nose, ears, and fingertips. Roger had brought her a coat but she wished he had also brought her gloves. Nancy tried to be as quiet as possible and looked at Carolyn one last time before closing the window. "I love you," Nancy whispered, and then she climbed down the fire escape, disappearing through the alley, down the lamp-lit street, and away from the Sequoia Bay Hotel.