Chapter 41
Carolyn (March 1958)
...
She couldn't sleep even though she was exhausted from the long day. Carolyn sat up in bed, with a book in her lap, and her eyelids were heavy. But even so, she couldn't sleep when she tried so she would attempt to read her book again but the words would jumble on the page. Carolyn couldn't concentrate on the written story she held in her arms. All she could think about was Nancy and how the person she loved had up and left her stranded at Bradley Diamond's Finishing School for Rising Young Women within the walls of the Sequoia Bay Hotel. Carolyn thought about it and she felt that she should be angry. She felt she had every right to be angry. How could Nancy just leave her? But Carolyn didn't feel anger. Instead, she felt lonely and her tears told her that she deeply missed the young woman who left the night before through the window and down the fire escape. Carolyn wondered if Nancy would ever come back. She confronted Roger earlier in the day, convinced that Roger would know something. And while Carolyn stood by her gut feeling, that Roger knew something, at first he acted as if he didn't.
"Did you know that Nancy is gone?" she asked Roger who was behind the hotel lobby's front desk. He put his book down, seemingly startled that Carolyn had asked such a question.
"What do you mean?" Roger replied. Carolyn could tell that he was playing dumb.
"Nancy is gone. She left. And I think you know why she did."
"Carolyn," Roger said. "I had no idea until I heard it from Laurier herself."
"You don't seem surprised," Carolyn sneered. "If you didn't know, I'd expect a more shocked and upset reaction. You seem too calm. You love Nancy and if you weren't aware that she's gone missing, you'd show more concern!"
Roger scoffed nervously. "Carolyn, I don't know where Nancy went. I didn't help her leave."
"I didn't accuse you of helping her," Carolyn replied.
Roger went silent.
"Did you help her leave?" Carolyn firmly asked.
Roger began to sweat. "She told me not to tell you."
Carolyn inhaled deeply to stop herself from screaming at Roger. "What do you mean she told you not to tell me?"
"She has a plan. That's all I will say."
"Is she coming back?"
Roger remained silent. Carolyn scoffed and turned to walk away. "Fine. Don't tell me. If you are ready to talk just come up, okay?"
Carolyn left the lobby to return to her room. That night she cried the hardest she'd ever cried. She thought about the last time she had cried that hard and knew that it was when she lost Douglas. She felt alone in the world back then when she lost her best friend and she felt alone in the world now; not knowing what had happened to the love of her life. Her love of reading was not enough to distract her. She wanted to know what was going through Nancy's mind when she decided to leave. Carolyn wanted so desperately to piece whatever she could together. She exhausted herself with endless overthinking.
Her mind continued to spin thoughts and scenarios and she hoped that everything would come together and make some sense. Carolyn wondered if she would ever see Nancy again.
"Will she come back?" she thought. "Was none of this real? Did she not really love me?"
Carolyn felt the tears coming and moved the book she had off of her lap, not wanting to stain the pages with her tears. "She'll come back, right? Roger said something about a plan. She has to come back."
She stared down at the sheets that covered her legs and realized she felt too hot. Carolyn pulled the blanket away from her and swung her legs over the side of the bed. She got up off the bed to stretch and looked at the clock on the wall. It was 6 a.m. "What if Nan doesn't come back?"
When the sun came up, Carolyn didn't go to her classes. She met with Mistress Laurier before class was going to start to tell her she wasn't feeling too well.
"Feeling ill, dear?" the mistress replied to Carolyn's reason.
"Yes, Mistress Laurier," Carolyn lied. "I am feeling quite sick. It started last night. Chills, aches, a sore throat, and a stuffy nose." Although Carolyn knew this was an excuse because she didn't feel like going to classes the day after Nancy left, she began to slightly believe it to be true and felt as though her broken heart was causing these symptoms to manifest. She could've sworn she felt her nose stuff up and felt her body aching and she felt this to be a proper reason not to attend classes. She knew that she did feel horrible after learning about Nancy running away and she was sure that she felt this horrible feeling in the pit of her stomach.
"You do look a tad bit under the weather," the mistress confirmed. "You have never missed a single class in your entire career as a student here."
"I do feel terrible asking."
The mistress sighed. "Very well. You may stay and rest in your room. I will have your meals and medicine delivered to you. You must get better. Your health must come first."
"Thank you, Mistress Laurier."
Carolyn rested in room C7 that day. She didn't have to worry about class, reading from the textbooks, or homework. The mistress said she would be excused from the homework since she was such a model pupil. This was the first time Carolyn was absent and the mistress did appear to be truly concerned. As Carolyn attempted to nap in bed she thought about graduation and how it would soon be time to leave and return home.
"Should I just do what they're telling me to do?" she asked herself. "Should I just forget about all of this and go home and get married?"
Carolyn rolled in bed to turn to the other side. She couldn't get comfortable. "There seems to be nothing else I can do," she sighed. "If only Nan would come back. I really want to talk with her."